Moving outside your comfort zone is uncomfortable

This is my experience. Whenever I decide to take another stretch, I encounter discomfort. Make sense of course but this insight has taken on a deeper meaning on me recently.

When we’ve taken a lesson, grown from an experience or made our stretch zone comfort zone again, we think we’ve made it. At least in this area. Thing is, whenever we change the context, the same lesson might very well present itself again. Same confusion, just on a higher level.

Here’s a recent example from my own life. I thought I had learnt enough about dealing with emotions, facing my fears and accepting myself, to be able to function through any transition. I’m not judging myself for this, but, still, there is no there there. I knew that. Still, I got really surprised by my reaction to the transition that I’m currently in. Moving from security, big corporation, longterm plans and a job description. From being a small piece in a big machine, to building my own machine altogether. I didn’t expect it to be so overwhelming. I thought I had it all figured out.

We never do. Not fully. Maybe in this specific context or in a very specific area. But if we’ve chosen a path of expansion, if we choose to keep growing, the same lesson might very well come back around again and again.

Don’t be discouraged. Look at it as a spiral, not a loop. You’re moving up the spiral, same confusion but on a higher level, always expanding and growing. Don’t give up. You’re doing a great job! I won’t give up. I’m doing a great job!

With all my love,

Helena

Perfect is not normal

Sometimes we act as if our messy life is something out of the ordinary. As if everyone else has it all figured out. That’s not reality. Messy is normal.

Having this human experience includes feeling confused, frustrated and lost. We don’t have to stay there forever, but we will always get back to it, over and over and over again. As with meditation, the practice is not to never lose your footing, the practice is to get back up, again and again. And if you ever think that any of your emotions are unique to you, don’t worry, you didn’t invent them, they are all universal and as part of the human family we all experience them in one way or another.

So, you’re off the hook. Stop striving for perfect. Accept the mess. Accept yourself.

With all my love,
Helena

We meet others on the same depth at which we’ve met ourselves

You can’t fully meet and understand another until you’ve fully met and understood yourself. You know when you talk to some people it feels as if they just get you, they understand the you beyond the words and stories. With others you can use however many explanations and metaphors but they still don’t at all understand who you are and you always feel misunderstood.

I believe the difference here are people that have gone towards the depths of themselves or not. If you’ve never dared to dig a little deeper, you will never go deep with anyone else. Do the work. And, as if understanding yourself wasn’t reward enough, you will have the benefit of understanding others better as well.

With all my love,

Helena

Don’t victimize yourself

For anyone who will read my new book ”Pure Personal Power – tools to collect on a healing journey”, it will be very obvious what I feel about victimizing yourself. Either everyone is a victim to something, or no one is to anything. I always try to choose the most empowering option. It doesn’t mean that some don’t experience horrible things or that some have a lot more ”bad luck”, but putting on the victim role and staying there won’t get anyone out.

When I did my Rescue diver training this was the first lesson: don’t make yourself a victim while helping someone else. If someone is drowning and you jump in the water without the right equipment or experience, you may very well end up creating two victims in the water, drowning. This is a good metaphor for life. First, we take responsibility for ourselves, we get ourselves to a safe place. Then, we help others.

Empower yourself so you can empower others, that’s the responsible things to do!

With all my love,

Helena

Label your stress free zone

Stress is more part of our lifestyle today than not. Do you ever have time for yourself that is completely ”stress free”? We might set aside time to sit down and relax but still we bring our phone and scroll and scroll. Or we set aside time for doing the thing we love but we’re not present there, only worrying about that work project.

I think it’s important in todays day and age to actually label some of our time as ”stress free”. That’s when we consciously decide to be present and aware of what we’re doing. That’s when we focus on one thing at a time, like the breath, or the feeling of another hand in ours, or the taste of the tea.

Create a stress free zone for yourself and label it, just that. Stress free. Set yourself up for success. But don’t stress if you don’t. Just create the space for yourself and do it consciously, every single day. If you make this your practice you will soon notice that it spills over to the rest of your day as well. But for now, just focus on the simple practice of stress freeness.

With all my love,

Helena

Re-programming the mind

The only way to remove a thought is to replace it with another one. Have you thought about this?

The mind doesn’t recognize your negatives so it’s likely your attempts at clarifying to yourself ”I will never do this again!” is understood as ”I will do this again!” and you end up in the same old patterns. The trick is to forget what you don’t want anymore and instead focus on what you do want.

Affirm what you want and crowd out what you don’t. Focus on the positives.

I will be clear with my boundaries!

I will ask for help!

I will go outside of my comfort zone!

I will be more of me!

What do you desire?

 

With all my love,

Helena

 

Would you be okay to die today?

This might be a provocative question to you but I think it’s a good one to reflect on. Measuring not on what you’ve done but who you’ve been.

Have you seen? Have you experienced? Have you given? Have you lived?

I really don’t want to die yet or for a long time to come, and I know that I have a lot to do here still, for many, many years to come. But just thinking about it today I wouldn’t have any regrets. I would know that I lived, that I tried, that I dared and that I gave – to the best of my ability at any given time.

It doesn’t mean that everyday is rewarding or productive or even meaningful, right then. It just means that I choose life, over and over again. I choose to expand. I choose to experience. I choose to share and give and participate. Sure, I have areas where I hold back and where I’m not brave enough, but I’m consciously working on that to get closer.

It’s not about what you do or what you have, it’s who you be. Are you living in your potential?

With all my love,

Helena

Needing each other is the best part of life

I heard Glennon Doyle Melton say this not long ago, and the words stayed with me.

Relationships are the most beautiful thing in life. Yes. They are also, a lot of the time, the most difficult thing we all deal with. Difficult because we make them so immensely important to us and they require so much; communication, energy, time.

The closer they are, the more rewarding, the more challenging. Often. Does it have to be this way? Is it true? Can we make them easier, more effortless or fluid? I don’t know. I’m certainly no expert.

I do think, however, that vulnerability, openness and asking for what we want and need are important cornerstones to any relationship that give more than it takes. Those are the kinds of relationships that I need so that what I need to do.

With all my love,

Helena

How can I get my needs met?

If you feel down in any way – ask yourself this: What needs are not being met right now? Then, find a way to get those needs met without the expectation on anyone else to change.

If you’re in a relationship where you don’t feel valued and you get constantly annoyed – maybe you need to find a way to set boundaries, ask for what you want or leave? If you’re overworking and don’t feel appreciated and get sad about this – maybe you need to validate yourself first, find ways to feel this feeling elsewhere or give some constructive feedback to your boss or colleagues? If you’re not getting a creative outlet in your life and you feel frustrated – maybe you need to prioritize your time and make time for a new hobby, or look for some mentors to help inspire you.

It’s all in your hands you know and that’s not so bad, it means you can change whatever needs changing yourself.

With all my love,

Helena

Please believe in me!

It’s part of the human experience to sometimes doubt. If I could, I would just tell you to stop doing it, it’s not constructive. But, still, we do it.

So when you can’t find the reasons to believe in yourself, ask someone else to do it for you. Ask for help. It’s okay to have a down-days when everything feels in vain or as if you’re moving in circles. If you’ve created a great support around you, ask your supporters to hold the belief for you. Just for a while, until you’re done with being low. And ask them to remind you sometimes, of how amazing you really are and all the great things you are capable of, just because you are you.

I think you’re amazing! I know you are capable of great things! I know you’re worthy just because you are you!

With all my love,

Helena